Movie

The movie is Diary of a Mad Black Woman. I love it so much that I have seen it at least 5 times. Everytime I see this movie I get something different out of it. There are some really tough scenes that are really hard to get through but I never regret it at the end of the movie. This movie has over and over again reminded me of what God means when he says to forgive no matter what! You ask what does this movie have to do with that? Watch it I promise you, you will be changed. There is a character in the movie that says if you run into someone who has hurt you (that you thought you have forgiven )and you want to get even you have not forgiven them but if you are able to feel nothing you have forgiven them. I used to be the person that wanted to get even. It could be by my actions or by my words like gossipying about you so I looked better! This is something that over the last couple of years God has shown me how to forgive. In my own life I have had to forgive someone over and over again and over and over again (no need to mention names) This was so painful for me becuase I just wanted to get even with them. I have had to walk through this and honestly it has only been God and some select Godly women that have helped me along the way. I am no longer the mad black woman like in the movie but I know that the only way that I can expect God to forgive me is to forgive others. God does not tell me everytime I go to him about that same sin no I will not forgive you he just does and forgets so who am I to say that anyone esle is different??? I can not believe that everytime I watch this movie that it reminds me of the pain that I walked through and the last half hour of the movie takes place in the church and the choir sings this beautiful song that brings me to tears everytime and reminds me why I went through what I did and how awesome God is that he brought me through it WHOLE!!!!

The Holidays............

Well I know that this may surprise you all but the holidays are not my favorite! Since my faith started deepening I began to see the meaning behind "the holidays" but still it is hard. I am stressed around this time I always have been my whole life ask my mom LOL! I get stressed about going to fiffty million parties and having no time to myself, putting on a smile like all is well to people that I see once a year and forget my name (I am not mad because I forget theirs). Now that I have kids it involves packing them extra clothes,diapers,food,PJs,toys,and anything else that they sneak into the car only to drag them around from house to house half alseep to open more and more gifts. I know that I should feel blessed that we have family to visit but 6 houses that is a lot! I am trying this year to realize the true meaning of the holidays and be thankful for God's Son be born. This year I am putting my foot down and only going to 5 houses this year and believe me that is a huge step because I am a people pleeeeezer and for me to say no to that one person is going to cause DRAMA!!
Oh and by the way I know that everyone is different when it comes to Santa but we tell our girls that Santa is fun to talk about and read about like it is to read and talk about Cinderella but that Mommy and Daddy are the ones who bring presents! We still go see Santa and take the pictures but the girls know the truth (This is our way don't hate if you don't agree) Well we have not run into any problems with this until TODAY! Jordan told her WHOLE class and teacher that Santa is not real!!! LOL!!! What do I do now!!!

Happy Thanksgiving

I am so thankful for so many things and this might be my longest blog yet!!!
1.) I am thankful for God that he gave his Son for my sins~ When I think of that I am in awe for me the one who really did all those things in the past and things I do in the present he forgives and forgives and extends grace to me every single day! I love that God meets me right where I am everyday and without him I would have nothing much love!!!!
2.) For my husband and marriage I can not believe that it will be 10 years together! God has truly blessed us and changed us. For those that do not know this time last year I was pregnant and we were seperated (one of the hardest months of my life)! God has truly healed our marriage we are a walking testimony of what having Christ in the center of your marriage does. We are not perfect and never claim to be and it is work everyday but I wake up loving my husband everyday with all of my heart Love you babe!!
3.) My children I am so thankful for I love my babies!!! I can not believe that my first baby is having her 6th Thanksgiving while my little baby is having his first!!! God has used my kids to change and heal me as well. Jordan he used to change my life, Mariana he used to bring me to my knees when she was a 3 pound baby in the NICU, and Sammy he has used to bring Nathan and I to what a marriage should be.
4.) I am thankful for my big HUGE Italian (scott,dutch,english,german,french thats the other side) Family!! Love them all when I say we are a close family it is true I mean cousins second cousins aunts uncles and greats all of us are so close and the love that we have for eachother is amazing!! My Nana and Papa are the worlds greatest grandparents on the face of this earth and I am entirely grateful that my children get to experience their love. My sister is pregnant and I am so thankful that I am going to be an Aunt! My brothers and doing great and maturing before my eyes which is crazy! My little sister is graduating!! WHAT that is crazy!! I remember playing hide and seek and saying go hide I will come find you and you waiting for a really loonnnnnnnnnnnngggggggggggg time for Nikkie and I to come find you!! My mom and stepdad are the best parents and grandparents ever! My dad I finally have a great relationship with PRaise GOd!!
5.)I am thankful for my friend this is the first time in my life that I have the relationships that I do! Some Shout outs
Lisabeth-what do I say God has placed you in my life and I so thankful for it!! I love that we have gone through this journey together. Are kids are totally getting married!!
Jenny- although you will not read this I can not believe that I have found someone so much like me I swear we seperated at birth LOL!!
Julie,Amy and Becca-Crazy that our little ones are all having their first holidays already! Love you guys and I am so thankful that God placed you all in my life.
Colleen-Love you girl so much!!!
There really are so many other women that God has placed in my life that if I named them all it would take forever!!All of these women have been my lifelines when I need prayer or just an ear to vent to! I have never experienced love like this and it is only my God that I have
6.) Finally my home I am thankful for. I am amazed at how God ochestrated the whole thing but We feel truly blessed that he has given us this wonderful home to create memories in and fill with his love and blessings!!
I am so thankful for so many other things and as I look back and read what I have written how awesome that everything has God in it all!!!!!
HAPPY THANKSGIVING!!!

I should be cleaning...........

I am feeling so loved right now!! I had a great talk with my husband about things that I hate talking about finances and it actually went really good. I know that God tells us to not worry and I am aware that this is my 1 issue infact it is my middle name Mariana Josephine Worry Cathers!!! I worry about everything from when I will have time to clean, cook, what time I have to get up in the morning (I check my alarm at least 10 times before bed), I worry about having enough money for the present and future and I worry about how much I have spent in the past. I worry about my kids at school and if they feel lovedenough by us, I worry about what people think of me as a friend, mom, daughter, wife and co-worker ALL THE TIME!! So I gave this conversation to God becuase we (Nathan and I) see things differently when it comes to spending money. Nathan will totally kill me when I say this but he is totally the women with this part of our relationship (maybe becuase I came from a single mom family who did everything). Like everyone who knows us knows that Nathan has way more clothes, shoes and products than I do. Not that I don't care about looks I just have kids that need these things and not that Nathan does not think that way I just think as the mom (or as me) you worry about spending money on yourself when you could get something for your child. Anyways back to the converstation we talked and figured things out and I feel so much better! I went grocery shopping and spent less then I ever do for TWO weeks of grocery shopping! I have been making baby food all morning which I just love doing because 1. my son is getting all natural food and 2. I am saving my family LOTS of money by making his food. I just feel loved today because I gave this issue over to God and in return for trusting him things are falling into place. I can honestly say that at this moment I am not worrying about anything.
Well maybe just about dinner and what time I have to start it so it is done in time and the fact that I have to clean and instead I am bloggin..............Okay give me some credit at least I am aware of my issue stepping out of DENIAL is the first step LOL

Life

Well we were all better and now I have Strep!!! Anyways life of a mom of three I guess. We are getting ready to have our housewarming party this next weekend. We are really exctied becuase we have nevre lived somewhere, where we could have people over and not worry about the people who share our walls!
I am also adjusting to having a Jordan in kindergarten! It is so different I was really sad that I had to miss her first field trip to the Cider Mill but I took the 31st off so I could go to her Halloween party! It is so much fun listening to her talk about her day and all the things she has learned. This week it is all about the fact that she gets to wear her PJs to school and she also has picture day on Friday! Which by the way is a huge RIP off! I can not believe how much they charge to take pictures.
Other good news Nathan's new position is going good and her even has gotten more of a raise (he just told me last night)! God is totally with us in all that is going on in our lives and it feels so good to not have a burden that God is taking care of it all! Even though things will be tight I know that God will take care of us and that all of our needs will be met and that is the best feeling of all!!
So thank you to all that are coming this weekend look forward to seeing you!!

We need prayer

Well where do I start? My kids (no joke) have been sick on and off since the middle of September! We have had everything from just the common cold, strep, croup (twice) and yes now the FLU!! Mariana woke up Sunday morning with as she called it (okay if you have a weak stomach DO NOT READ) throw up from her butt!! I WARNED YOU! It was non stop just that until 4pm today and then she was throwing up and has been for the last 6 hours!!!
My night has been cleaning up puke and S*&T from mariana and then nice diapers from the baby. Then when Sammy wanted to eat Mariana was throwing up and then Jordan wanted attention! I have used two BIG containers of lysol wipes a huge thing of gateraid (which probably has be chucked up) and two rolls of paper towles!! Oh and like 5 rolls of toliet paper not to mention my hands are raw from washing them. I now have Mariana laying on her couch watching a show hoping she will fall asleep and Sammy sleeping and Jordan crying becuase it is not fair that she has to go to sleep and Mariana gets to watch TV! So an hour ago I was feeling sorry for myself that I am here and needing a break and not getting one! I checked my email only to find out that one of CR's participants has committed scuicide! Here I am complaining about all that I have going on when someone I know is now a widow with three kids! So we need prayer but my friends family needs it more! So all those that are prayer warriors pray on!!!

God always has a perfect plan

So I know this whenever things are going crazy I know this. I say "Okay God I know that you know the bigger picture so I am submitting this to you". Well here is a testimony to that! Nathan's job is going really good so good that I am going to start working part time at Handprints!! At first I was sad becuase I would be loosing my lead teacher position and my scholarship for school but I felt like God was saying he has a plan. I let my bosses know and they are working on replacing me. There are some things that are up in the air that I can not talk about right now but pray that I let God guide me in my decisions and not what I want. I tend to make up signs that it is from God becuase I want it and then it blows up in my face in the end. I am really happy I mean really happy!! If you have a close relationship with me you know that it has been a long time coming! My marriage is finally coming together we are on the same page putting Christ in the center of our lives fully!! I love being a mom I am actually making Sam's baby food and still nursing (which is a milestone for me becuase I stopped by now with both the girls)! I really feel like God is showing me why all that we went through was part of his perfect plan!!! I love it when he lets us have glimpses of what he is doing up there and I am glad that I do not have to worry about it that it is all in his hands!!!