Everyday we make choices
what will I wear?
what will I eat?
where will I go?
should I even get out of bed?
what to make for dinner?
what bills to pay first?
These are the easy choices (although on some days can seem like they are the hardest choices to make)
The hard ones
should I have a drink?
should I take that pill?
should I gossip about that person?
should I smoke that cigarette?
The sermon yesterday was pretty amazing talking about surrounding ourselves with friends that will lift us up and encourage us. My prayer years ago to God (more like a plea) was to send some Godly women to me that would guide me right to God no matter what. A true friend soaked in the word of God and that prayer was answered just a few short years before we would walk through the toughest years of our life. God knew my heart, he knew exactly what I needed and he placed each and every single woman in my life for a reason. I am extremely blessed and have learned how to be a great woman of God and a great friend to others.
Some of you may now be wondering when we are moving...Now that was a big choice!!
We moved in with Nathans parents in the fall of 2011 and it was meant to save and pay off debt and then move again..well God had other plans and we have talked about those in the past. Nathan decided to go to Rehab BIG DECISION for our family that changed our lives forever and it was one of the proudest moments I have had as his wife :) and 2 years later Nathan is now working full time and we have paid off more than 12,000.00 in debt and the end is finally in sight. We will be DEBT FREE in August!! So naturally we were ready to move and there was this house that fell in our lap and so many things that were coming along with it. See last year we walked through a financial class and we took drastic measures and sold almost all of our things to pay down debt but we knew that when the time was right God would provide the finances (we only pay for things with cash) to purchase new beds and a couch we just knew he would! So we took the leap of faith and for the whole year we have prayed with the kids for the house that God was preparing for us. The amazing thing about our God is that the promise that he will never leave nor forsake us and he knows everything and all things can be used for his Glory. I love that he can take Nathans past drug use and my anger once given over to him and change our path completely!! Anyways so with the house was going to come new beds for all the kids, and a new to us couch and new to us table, fridge and stove!! How could this not all be from God..It was in the neighborhood we prayed we could move to..It was exactly what we could afford and still be able to save. We were so excited that finally we could have a place of our own again..not that I am not extremely grateful that his parents have opened their home to our small and VERY QUIET (hahaha) family but ladies you know what I mean we all want our own space. I could picture myself cleaning the floors and walls and cooking meals for our family and having friends over for dinner and the kids having friends over for sleepovers. It was like God was in my head and heart because I am not a materialistic person at all but he was blessing our faithfulness we just knew it.
Well two weeks before we were to sign the lease Nathan started questioning was this really for us? Could we afford it? what if we lost everything again? what if we failed? what would that do to our kids? what would people think of us again? I kept telling him God tells us not to worry to leave it in his hands and he will guide us in the right direction. I kept encouraging my husband that God was in this and he will make a way. Everyday Nathan questioned and everyday I encouraged...Then one night at Awaken (our Thursday night service at church) Mickey gave a sermon about how when we turn from our old ways God will allow things to happen and we can CHOOSE to either revert to our old ways or seek him and allow him to guide us in our new way of thinking and not allow our feelings to decide for us. So our old way was to either have complete FEAR and stand in the way of what God wanted to bless us with or to JUMP and not allow God to guide us. I felt like we were in in fear and Nathan felt we were jumping. So that night at home I realized I was encouraging him all this time because I wanted so bad to move (which rightfully so) but I was standing in the way of what God was telling my husband, my best friend, the man God put in my life to help protect and guide our family. He was nudging my husband daily to listen to the Holy Spirits whisper that this was not the house he wanted for us. I was in the basement and was crying because once I realized this I had to mourn the fact that it wasn't the house for us. But once I allowed God to comfort me and Nathan to comfort me we had this unbelievable peace and we knew that the peace was right from God. Other things have happened since then that have been confirmations that God was protecting us from moving on our own again.
So we are not moving, but we are going to push forward and have faith that the house God has planned for us is more than we could ever imagine ( I am not talk square footage either). God has a way of doing that and I am living proof that the life I am living now is not anything I ever could have imagined for myself. Yes times are hard but man if a lost little girl who was abused and filled with anger, hate, shame, fear and guilt can turn into someone who has this immense joy in my heart and a love for life that I never thought possible than surely God has a home for our family!!
Thank you to every single person who has prayed along side us in this journey and keep praying that we continue to lean into God and that the CHOICES we make are daily being brought to God.