Another Deep Entry

Today is a raining gloomy day inside and I feel that way myself. I love having a blog but lately I have not posted things because if certain people are reading it then I have to watch myself and that is really hard to do. Not that I do not want people to read it but any ways. I am feeling really crappy! I feel like I am following God and am where I am supposed to be but I feel like there is something I am missing ya know? I know for a fact that my life is filled with busyness that does at times include him I hate admitting it but better to be honest right? I feel like I am lacking very much with my relationship with God. Just a couple of years ago I was in awe and in love with God I had this amazing relationship where I would sit for hours seriously and pray and write in my prayer journal. I go back and read these and it brings me to tears knowing that I have lost that. I know it is there but what happened? (rhetorical questions people?) I miss him in my life like it was then I know all I have to do is get on my knees and he is there. There are some things going on in my life right now that I feel like I am supposed to still be involved in but I am uneasy all the time and questioning if I should be. I feel like if I stop what I am doing then I am being irresponsible to my family. But should I continue doing something that makes who God created me to be not there anymore? Or am I not submitting enough to him or looking to others to provide the fill I should be getting from him? I am confused and feeling a little alone right now? But I am reminded of a family summit with my kids at my church a couple of weeks ago where they all got shoe laces and where told to put them in their shoes and whenever they felt like they were alone in something that they just needed to look down and remember that they are never alone. I need to remember that no matter what God is with me even when I do not feel like he is!!